V. [Basara]

 
          He was feeling much better today, and the smile on the director's face showed that it wasn't just his imagination. Not feeling as good as he could have been, certainly, and his mind kept wandering. But that was true for almost every recording session they'd had in the last few months. Nothing to worry about.
          Mylene, on the other hand, was something to worry about. She'd had that frowning, pinched look on her face for the entire time they had been in the studio, and Ray had been looking at her strangely. He'd felt Ray's eyes on him a few times, but when he had gotten the chance to sneak a glance at the keyboardist, the eyes were back to Mylene, staring at the back of her head or almost as if they were staring through her.
          Strange.
          Mylene played her bass with the same skill that he'd come to expect of her, but something was missing, today. Not only from him, but from her, and it showed. Perhaps the recording director didn't notice, but he did, and he was worried.

          Come on people kanjite hoshii
          Ima sugu wakaranakute ii kara
          Come on people inochi no kagiri

          So many memories, this song. From conception on the dirty floor of the apartment, to a clearing deep in the forest where an unconscious Protodeviln hung suspended, to Mylene's fierce eyes in the cockpit of her Valkyrie. When it had been the song that mattered.

          Omae wo mamoritsuzukeru
          My soul for you

          Her eyes…
          He felt, rather than saw her eyes turn towards him, seeking him, wanting. What did she want? He felt the burning, and for a second it was almost like they were back in the Valkyries, and she was singing her heart out for him. All for him, because she needed him. Sound energy…
          And for a second, the years slipped away and he closed his eyes and sang, like he hadn't sung in so long.

          Come on people shinjite hoshii
          Itsumademo kawaranai ore wo
          Come on people taiyou no you ni

          The music swelled around him, and then subsided, a floating tide of melody.

          Omae wo kagayakaseru
          My soul for you

          And that was it.
          It was done.
          "Good recording," the voice said by the door, and he simply dropped his guitar on the ground and stared blankly at the wall.
          "Are we done?"
          Again, he felt, more than saw, her look at him and then at Ray, and looked up as the keyboardist nodded to some invisible signal.
          "Not quite."
          He blinked, scratching his head. "Whaddya mean, not quite? I thought My Soul for You was the last song on the album." Frowning at Mylene. "Did you write that new song after all?"
          "I-" Mylene said, from the corner. He turned an inquisitive eye on her, and she looked away.
          "Mylene?"
          The director looked agitated. "Ray…may I have a word with you?"
          Ray glanced at him, then at Mylene, then back, and then nodded fractionally. "I'll be back. You two, keep out of trouble."
          For once, Mylene didn't say anything back. He stared at her for a moment, noting absently that Veffidas had vanished out the door was well. She remained standing until the drummer's footsteps had faded down the hall, and then sat down with a little sigh on the platform.
          "Mylene?"
          "Ne, Basara." Her voice was subdued. He had never seen her look so lost, so young. Skirting the bass that was parked on the floor, he sat down next to her.
          "What is it?"
          "Remember…remember that time when you left City 7, and Gamlin and I followed you?"
          Why was she bringing this up now? "Yeah. What about it?" He attempted a short laugh. "I suppose you could say I was young and foolish then. Weren't we all."
          "I sang to that creature…and it listened to me." Like he hadn't spoken at all. "I think about that sometimes. I think that was what really convinced me about Sound Force, you know? Before…before it had been wonderful, but I still really didn't understand. I think that…I think that made me grow up. Just a little."
          "You still haven't grown up," he said, trying to make a joke. The atmosphere was too serious for what he was used to. Where were the arguments? Where were the accusations that he had grown used to defending himself against, the raised eyebrow and the angry eyes, demanding he do this and that?
          She didn't say anything in return.
          "I'm sorry," he said. "It was a bad joke."
          Mylene shook her head. "No…I think you're right." She looked at him, and he was surprised to see there were tears in her eyes. "Basara, I…"
          "I got the clearance for it, Mylene."
          At the sound of Ray's voice she turned away and picked up the bass, standing. "Good. Thank you."
          He gave her a warm smile, but there was something in it that was…
          "Anything for a friend."
          "Oi!" He waved his arms. "What's going on?"
          "We're singing one more song," Ray said, picking up his keyboard. Veffidas came in through the door, drumsticks clicking. "Mylene wanted it to be on the album."
          He raised an eyebrow. "New song?"
          She shrugged, giving him a watery smile. "No, just Kimi ni Todoke. But I thought it would be nice. You know, kind of a memorial."
          Memorial?
          He was across the stage in two steps, grabbing her arm. "There's something you're not telling me," he said fiercely, "and I don't like it."
          One tear rolled down her cheek. "Some things," she said softly, "you don't like, but they happen. And you have to accept that."
          "What?"
          "Play," she said, pushing him towards his microphone. "Just…play."

          Nigatsu no kaze wa mou
          Haru ga kanata
          Kiete yuku wa...
          Maru de kimi no kokoro sarau you ni

          Just like your heart was carried away from me.
          His fingers were on the strings but his heart wasn't in it, looking at her and watching her sing with her eyes closed and the tears on her cheeks. He could almost see the sound energy glow around her, hear her voice coming through the prison walls to touch his heart…if he remembered far back enough…far enough…

          Sono koe wo omoidasu no
          Hoshizora ni hibiki dasu
          Yasashii me wa sora wo utsushi
          Ai wo egaita...

          He saw her laughing in his memory, Guvava on her shoulder. Basara, why do you write love songs?

          Doko e kieru no?
          Kimi ni nagareru toki ni wa
          Atashi no sasayaku koe ga todoku no
          Oh kaze yo dou ka kimi ni todoke

          I write love songs...so that...

          Omoidashite yo
          Futari yume wo mita toki o
          Kokoro ni umareta koe o kuchizusame
          Oh kaze yo dou ga kimi ni todoke

          The director looked smug. "Excellent recording. That's the best you've ever played it!"
          "Thanks," said Mylene without much emotion, still standing in front of the microphone. "Basara…"
          "What?"
          Before she could respond, Ray was standing in between them. "Basara…Mylene…"
          "This is it, Ray," she whispered. "I…Thank you."
          The nagging feeling at the back of his mind grew stronger, and he grabbed her arm. "Wait a minute. What are you talking about? What- you've been acting weird. What's going on!"
          She wiped the tears from her cheeks with the back of her hand, and faced him squarely, green eyes large and serious.
          "Basara…I'm quitting Fire Bomber."

 
          No.
          It wasn't true. She'd be there at practice tomorrow, tuning her bass and making some snide remark about his music ability, and he'd snap back. It had always been like that. She'd threatened to quit more than once, but she'd always come back. During the war…during the battles…
          Mylene…your song. I felt it in my heart.
          She had the anima spiritia too. It wasn't just him…she had the potential, and he was willing to bet anything that if the war had continued past where it had ended, she'd have developed the same spiritia levels that he had. Perhaps not as strong, but enough to be classified anima spiritia, because she'd proven herself time and time again.
          She'd saved him, and all he'd done was put himself in danger again and again. She must have gotten tired of pulling him out of trouble, yet she'd done it, despite her small abilities.
          Why was that?
          The far wall was bare without the promo poster and he sat alone in the dark, watching the stars move across the sky and the breeze curl in through the window. It was too peaceful a night. Too peaceful for what had happened this afternoon.
          Mylene was leaving.
          "I want to go to university", she said. "I've been accepted, and I think it's what I want to do now."
          "But you can't leave Fire Bomber!"
          Her eyes were sad. "Basara…Fire Bomber is dead. I'm sorry."
          He slumped down on the bed. Ridiculous. Fire Bomber wasn't dead. They were all still there, the four of them who had started so long ago. If he wasn't totally honest with himself, he could make up all sorts of reasons. They had so much potential. They had a huge fan base. They had saved the galaxy, for heaven's sake. They had made the stars ring with music.
          "Mylene, you're insane."
          "It's not a joke this time, Basara." Over her shoulder, Ray nodded solemnly, placing one hand on her shoulder. "I'm really leaving. I'll be taking a shuttle over to the Einstein next week to the university…"
          "Dammit, Mylene!"
          "I'm really sorry, Basara. It's…not like I'm leaving forever…I'll come visit…"
          "You could have told me! Why the hell didn't you tell me?"
          The anger that flared in her eyes surprised him. "Why should I have? You never tell ME anything."
          He shouldn't have stormed out of the room. He should have stayed, reasoned with her, tried to get her to change her mind, even though trying to change her mind was like trying to change the mind of a rock. But still…he could have tried. He didn't have to be so childish.
          It wasn't like she was leaving forever, like she'd said. She'd still be in the fleet, a close visit on the Milky Road. Her argument made sense. But...it had snapped, that bond he now realized he'd been taking for granted, something that had drawn her to him and likewise, him to her.

          Doko e kieru no?
          Kimi ni nagareru toki ni wa
          Atashi no sasayaku koe ga todoku no...

          "Mylene," he whispered, "Mylene. You could have told me sooner…"
          "She didn't want to."
          He scrambled to his feet, embarrassed that anyone should have seen him like that, but it was only Ray, so it was all right.
          "You!"
          "Basara."
          "You could have told me! Why didn't you tell me!"
          "I respected her privacy," Ray said calmly from the doorway. "As I respect yours. You should know that."
          He clenched a fist, but there was no emotion in the action, just a great emptiness. "Dammit."
          "She left something with me for you. She wanted you to have it."
          A faint surprise, but he pushed it down. "I don't want anything of hers."
          "She said you'd say that. She told me to say that it's actually yours."
          He blinked. What was that?
          "You coming down to get it, or should I just leave it here?"
          "Leave it," he said, his voice curt. "Get out of my room."
          The door closed softly, and he was left sitting on the floor, watching the clouds out of the window and wondering when exactly his life had become such a mess.
          Sivil…you showed me the galaxy, and now I can't even remember.
          Mylene…I…
          He climbed slowly down the ladder, feeling very tired all of a sudden. For a moment, he stood staring around the room, squinting in the dark, thinking that Ray had forgotten to leave Mylene's…gift…or maybe he had just been too disgusted with Basara's behavior and had decided not to give it to him after all.
          But there it was, on the floor by the door…a piece of paper? He picked it up. It was folded, but he could feel the lumps and crevices that meant it had been crumpled. A hand had tried to smooth it out, but the wrinkles remained. Mylene's hand? He held onto the paper for a minute with more strength than he needed, as if he could touch her by doing so.
          Mylene.
          He couldn't see anything in the dark, so he fumbled for the light switch. There were two lights controlled by the switch, but one of them had gone out last week and he didn't care enough to replace it. The light was dim, but enough to read by and he unfolded the paper, wondering. If it was a farewell note, he was going to scream. It would be just like her.
          It was a sheet of music, with chords and words. He recognized his own scrawled handwriting and her neat, bubbly kanji.
          This…this was his song. He hadn't been able to find it, because she had taken it, that night when she had come into see him. The music in his dream hadn't been a dream. She'd sung for him.
          She was always singing for him.
          There was a note in the corner, in her writing. Two short lines.
          I finished this for you because I knew you wouldn't. Play it sometime.
          "You idiot," he whispered, clutching the paper to his chest, staring fiercely into the dark corners that the weak light couldn't reach. "I never asked you…I never asked you to…"
          His guitar was under the bed where he had left it, and he shifted it into his lap with trembling hands, the once-crumpled paper on the music stand, and he struck the first chord.

          Mimi o sumaseba kasuka ni kikoeru darou
          Hora ano koe
          Kotoba nanka ja tsutaerarenai nanika
          Itsumo kanjiru are wa tenshi no koe

          He couldn't forgive her for keeping this secret from him. True, she hadn't accused him falsely…he'd always kept secrets from her before, but she was a kid, and there were just things that kids shouldn't know about.
          Forget the fact that she wasn't a child anymore…he just didn't want to hurt her, that was all. For some reason she always ended up getting mixed up with his plans, but he had tried to protect her.

          Melody wa kieru yami ni shimi komu you ni
          Echo nokoshite
          Shizuka ni oriteku deep blue no aurora ni
          Ore mo utau ze

          Shinjite ita mono ga aru
          Baka da to iwareta keredo
          Kawara nakatta
          Ano hi no yume

          She'd done a beautiful job with this song. There was something there that he hadn't felt in a long time, that feeling that soared over him as he sang, and he closed his eyes. If he imagined hard enough, he could hear her singing along with him, their voices combining as the Song Energy flared from their Valkyries like a storm.
          Where would he be able to find another singing partner like her?

          Angel voice mitsuketa no sa
          Chiheisen no mukou ni
          Kirari hikatta
          Omae no sugata wa yume ja nakatta

          Nagare nagarete yukou
          Itsuka mata aou ze
          Hitomi tojireba
          Itsumo kokoro no naka ni hibiku
          Angel voice

          She was always singing for him. How many times had he sung for her?
          Far fewer than he would have liked. She'd saved him from greater peril than he had ever saved her. It had been Mylene…always Mylene.
          Slowly, he stood, dropping the guitar, and staring at the sheet of music on the stand.
           I finished this for you because I knew you wouldn't.
          She knew him too well. And he didn't know her at all.
          When he was sad he used to sit in the window and play the guitar, but somehow that didn't seem right now. Because she was leaving, and there just wasn't any point in playing anymore if she wasn't there.
          There was something she'd told him about a diamond ring, once, when he'd asked about it in all seriousness. He'd joked about it once, saying that she should give it to Gamlin, wondering who the hell was crazy enough to give a kid a diamond ring in the first place. She'd ignored him, but the subject had come up again about a year ago for some reason. He couldn't remember why.
          "Gamlin gave it to me. He wanted me to marry him."
          He had burst out laughing at the time. Mylene? Married to Gamlin?
          "I'm serious! Basara!"
          "You're such a kid," he'd teased, and strolled out of the room, collapsing against the wall outside the door. He should have been happy for them. He should have congratulated her seriously. Gamlin would make a fine husband. He should be proud of them.
          But he simply felt disgruntled and faintly disturbed. And he didn't know why.
          "Basara…"
          "What?" He'd grumbled, not bothering to look over at the head which appeared out of the doorway.
          "Basara, I'm not going to marry him. I turned him down. Don't be upset."
          "I'm not upset," he'd returned, hiding his surprise. "Don't be stupid."
          "I'm not stupid!"
          "Keep thinking that. Why'd you turn down a stud like Gamlin?"
          She had been silent for a long while, and when he finally did look down at her, the look in her eyes took him by surprise.
          "I'm…not sure who I want. But I don't think it's Gamlin."
          "Oh?" Arching one eyebrow. "Who might it be, then?"
          She'd blushed. "I can't tell you."
          He hadn't been able to sleep that night, running the conversation over and over in his head, wondering what he could have said to make things turn out differently. Didn't know why he did so. It was only a conversation, right? It was like a conversation with a kid sister. Nothing important. Because at the time, even at seventeen, she had been a kid sister. He couldn't imagine thinking of her any other way because they'd played the parts for too long. But he realized now, thinking back, that he had been hoping that she would say that it was him. That she would look up at him with the same starry-eyed look he'd seen her look at Gamlin with, and say in her endearing voice, It's you, Basara. It's you.
          But she wouldn't. It was an empty dream, the loneliness, and the jealousy, and the search for meaning, because there wasn't any, now that she was gone.
          He'd ingrained the image of her in his mind as the bratty fourteen year old who was just beginning to understand how the world worked, and hadn't even realized that she hadn't been that for a while. It had taken a nudge from Ray to make him see it. Ray was like that, solemn, understated, pushing him in the right direction. He didn't deserve Ray. What was it that Ray had said back then?
          Mylene isn't a girl anymore, Basara. She's a woman. And it's time you accepted that.
          I've accepted it! he'd shot back, stung. Being lectured by Ray wasn't anything he really enjoyed, even though usually Ray was right.
          And Ray had simply looked at him and said, No you haven't.
          The next day he'd watched Mylene as she entered the studio, as she cheerfully greeted them and started tuning her bass, and suddenly he'd realized that he hadn't accepted it. Mylene had been stuck in a time-warp in his mind where she was eternally fourteen, someone who needed his guidance and protection, a little nuisance most of the time and a little sister some of the time.
          But she wasn't that anymore.
          Don't stare at me, Basara, she'd said, and he'd quickly turned away, pretending to twist the D tuning peg on his guitar.
          He'd moped for the rest of the day after she'd gone home from practice, and Ray had cornered him again as he sat in his window, moodily strumming My Soul For You.
          "Basara?"
          "Leave me alone."
          "I was just concerned," the deep voice murmured soothingly behind him. "But I'll leave."
          "Ray?" he said. "Why do things have to be this way? So complicated?"
          There was a pause, and then Ray said, "Women are always complicated."
          Ray had always been like that. Trust him to know what he was talking about, even without bringing it up. "Sivil wasn't," he said.
          "Mylene isn't Sivil. You know that as well as I do."
          "I understood Sivil."
          "Sivil was a fire in your soul," Ray responded. "You loved her because of what she represented – because she wasn't human and not limited to the human scope of thought. You can't be like that with Mylene. You can't expect her to be what Sivil was. Mylene is human. And so are you."
          "Sometimes I wish I wasn't," he muttered, and Ray didn't say anything, just left him alone with his guitar.
          It had taken him till now to see that there was no one else. No one who understood him like she did, no one who felt the music wholeheartedly and had seen the vision, had seen the true power of music. Ray was right. They sang well together, and it wasn't a fluke. Mylene wasn't Sivil, but she didn't have to be.
          She was human. But so was he. In his grand quest for something more, he'd somehow forgotten that part of himself. And that was all she was trying to do, to bring him back.
          She was the angel voice.

 
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